I still remember..

No rush.  I don`t mean to complain.  I don`t mean to inflict pain on those that care for me.  I think about the things that I did, you know the stupid shit.  Did all that really have meaning?  I won`t lie, I hurt myself.  Yes I do regret it.  Maybe the pain felt good.  Maybe it was my escape from the cold, harsh reality that every single one of us has to face.  I`m not saying life should be perfect, nothing is.  I`m not saying I want a better life, I`m fine with what I have.  Ask me what I really want, I won`t have an answer.  I drown myself with slow jams every night.  Honestly, I think I`m fine.  Time does help.  Thank you.  I can actually talk about the shit i learned.  It`s really funny how karma works huh?  Well let me tell you, it kicked me in the ass and damn did it hurt.  I've gotten over it.  I do try to smile every day.  I think of the good times, the old days with the homies, the great memories still locked up in this head of mine.  Want to know what i look forward to everyday?  its them.  My friends.  every single one of you has made a difference somehow.  I just want to thank you guys fer always having my back and looking out fer me when I`m down.

Ckris - Godsis =].. I appreciate it when you call me a bitch everyday =] haha..I`m glad we're family now.. and hey.. since i knew you the longest.. i know this friendship aint going to fade.  

Alyce - Nigguh Shawty.. damn. we got the great memories huh?.. paper throw`n and lock`n the principal outta the bathroom... detentionz in mr. buckles room wuz fun[ny].. haha.. yu kno wha else.. them [hahah] convos we got.. aint no one gonna fade us on da inside jokes.. we got too damn many.. =]

Giselle - heyy Gi.. i kno i disappointed you and i really am sorrie.  thanks for still love`n meeh tho =].  sckrew da drama.. we still gonna have eachother in the end.. yu kno! [slap slap slap "look at mah watch"] triple BMdubb on da realz..haha and you are right..the world has too many freaks ; ] hahah

Rebecca - Urbecca.. i miss yu!.. haha.. damn.. we needa chill more.. seaworld wuz fun.. =].  newaiz ms voodoo queen [hahah] i`ll love you no matter what kinda spellz yu cast on meeh.. =] ..

Diana - Diano.. when yu get famous.. yu besta hook me up.. hahha.. j/k j/k.. buh i kno yu`ll make it up there =].. yu got the homies to back u up..w/ our ghetto ass signz...and LOUD ASS voices..haha..

Lauren - Ren!.. we needa chill..i havent seen you in AGES! lol.. letz plan our getaway ; ].. leave the [demon] hahah j/k j/k.. i meant Damon =P.. newaiz.. yehh.. letz chill yo!..i needa see yer pretty face before skoo starts =]

Erick - sweetheart ; ] hahha... thanx homie..fer alwaiz be`n there.. yu pretty much kno all the shit that goes on in mah life..and hey..i kno yers..hahah.. great convos huh?.. =].. we should go kick it again.. maybe look at the stars..like last time hahaha.. =P..

Jun - my red hot cheeto.. lol.. come back to uni man.. steph is =].. lol.. seriously tho..jes wanted to say thanx to yu to..fer talk`n to mah loner ass..haha.. prank callz are great.. =]

Marcelo - Mark salos =P.. gotta love that name huh?.. haha.. yu still gotta show me dem damn videos.. yu kno the funny ones =P.. gosherz..since yer in vegas..who'z gonna drive me to Starbuckz and take me to their pad when im bored?? hahha.. that day wuz fun =].. get yer ass back in SD.. tell auntie i said please =P haha

fuck..now i`m gett`n lazie..haha.. uhh..sorrie April, Nette, May, Mick, Clint, n Drake, n Songheng.. fer not write`n yu guys one..buh honestly i DO LOVE YU GUYS... =].. THANX fer errything... LETS KICK IT =P

hmm.. fun timez.. at ckris`z pad.. lol.. ask me fer storiez..i got like 5 storiez in one..hahah.. INTENSE homie =P.. dun reallie feel like be`n detail`d about that shii..cuz i got other stuffz on mah mind..

damn..i didnt think it would hurt that much.. i didnt expect it to make me cry.. but hey.. it did.. im not gonna say what [it] is.. buh yehh.. iono.. ii came home from church..to find an IM that would hurt me.. and i KNEW it would.. gosherz.. uhm.. all i can say is.. i sckrew`d mahself over ONCE again..haha.. aint it grand.. NOTHIN ever workz out fer me... it NEVER EVER EVER doez...

wanna kno somin that hurtz...iss when people think that all you got on yo mind are guyz....i'll tell yu da truth aight.. i aint fuck`n obssessd er not`n.. fuck`n shii.. guyz are homiez.. dont fuck`n judge meeh.. im only HUMAN.. and i'll tell yu da fuck`n truth.. hell yehh i feel fuck`n lonely at timez... homeguhhz got [significant otherz] to turn to n shii.. and i aint got no one.. STRAIGHT UP.. IM JEALOUS! okai?!.. fuck`n shii.. it suckz..cuz whenever i feel like i've met someone..therez alwaiz some damn complication.. and iono.. iss jes mah luck i guess?.. i aint fuck`n desperate fer a guy aight?.. dun get me fuck`n wrong.. i jes dun wanna be alone.. i mean fuck... yu see yo fuck`n homeguhhz all happy.. make`n out w/ dere people.. talk`n on da fone all [sprung] n shii..haha. . gosherz..it jes remindz me of wha i kinda did have.. what i couldve had... wha never got a chance to go mah way.. fhunnie thing is.. i feel that there IS something there.. between me..and uhm.. someone... buh problem is.. i wont ever kno.. [probably].. we cant have a decent convo on da fone er online nemore... and last time i saw him.. thingz dint go to well.. i convinced mahself i wuz over him.. until i realized i wusnt open`n up to neone else becuz of the very thot of him.. =/.. DAMN.. im tow up.. it suckz like a BITCH!... goodbye sadness..hello confusion hahah... =].. dere aint much room fer happiness when yer tryna find out where yu fit in..ya kno?.. i mean damn.. iono... i'd give errything up.. for what?.. nothin.  i guess all this is supposed to happen... to teach me somin... buh i still dunno wha i learned.. cuz ive been hurt too damn much to comprehend what has happend...

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO CKRISTINA MARQUEZ [my godsister] AND JENNILYN DEJESUS [my sister] !!! =P

hmm... well im jes [straight] blogg`n today..so no pix.. i wonder if people even read mah shii..lol.. well iono things have been aight i guess..i've been play`n gunbound..a LOT..seriously im not addicted.. jes that therez not`n else to do.. and no where else to go.. i've been take`n driving lessonz.. fun stuff.. saw people driving [stupid] haha... i started laugh`n with da instructor.. lol.. he triez to act pimp.. itz fhunnie lol.. well been talk`n to mah [buddy] in SF.. fer awhile now.. he'z kool..lol.. went on mah SN tell`n people he wuz mah BF..wut a DORKO!.. haha.. by da way he aint ..hez jes a homie.. so yehh.. thingz kinda went wrong.. cuz i thot we would be ckoo as homiez.. and he kinda dint feel da same way?.. iono..buh errythin`z straight now... no more confusion i guess... i jes feel really bad about it..cuz [tru] emotionz got out.. and i could tell he wuz hurt.. and im sorrie.. i reallie dint think thingz would go like that.. im SORRIE.. =/.. ehmz... okai..off that topic.. i havent been out w/ ne homiez in like TWO weekz.. OMG.. thas a LONG time!.. hopefully today i can go out..cuz i jes wanna get outta da house..even tho im broke at da moment..lol.. gosherz.. wanna kno wha  getz me really DOWN.. itz listen`n to SLOW JAMZ... serously.. i soak mahself in that shii.. nite after nite... and sometimez..it getz me think`n [loneliness..and all that relationship bullshii] why?..iono.. maybe i miss some of the thingz in da past.. maybe im jes be`n stupid.. buh hey..wha am i to do about it?!.. i cant do shii.. =]..buh im straight.. well i dun feel like think`n nemore hahah.. or typ`n...

til mah next..